Into the Flame
by AxCfangirl
Summary: Fllay was taught to hate Coordinators. She is determined to help eliminate Coordinators and to destroy Kira. However, feelings change; humans change. Her hatred gradually turns into something else, something entirely different.


English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

And for your information, my fic is based on the remastered version (but I watched the original version, too).

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Into the Flame**

* * *

Before the ZAFT attack on Heliopolis, Fllay had barely known Kira Yamato. She knew his face and name since he was friends with Miriallia, her friend, and Ssigh, the boy her father wanted her to marry. But that was pretty much it.

She was surprised to find out about his true identity, his being a Coordinator. Although she had known it was possible in Orb, she had never really thought a Coordinator was around her, being part of her daily life.

The discovery disturbed her, but not as much as she had expected. Probably because he was different from the image of a Coordinator in her mind. He hardly looked special. Sure, he was cute, but not strikingly handsome or anything. He didn't look super intelligent or strong, either. Much less dangerous. He seemed to be an ordinary boy who was rather shy. It wasn't difficult for her to ignore he was one of those genetic patched-togethers.

Her friends seemed to care even less, probably because they were from Orb. She knew Orb citizens had a weird opinion of Coordinators. Orb claimed Coordinators were as human as Naturals and both races should be treated equally. How bizarre.

It wasn't like she hated Coordinators or wanted to kill them. No, she wasn't like the Blue Cosmos terrorists. However, everyone had to admit they had a point at least, right? It was wrong to modify your genes unless it was done to cure a disease.

She wasn't cold-hearted like some people who insisted modifying genes shouldn't be allowed even as a medical treatment. Her father said sick people deserved special treatments even if the means of cure wasn't exactly right: if we could get good outcomes, then we could overlook some wrongness included in the process. That was what her father believed, and what she believed.

However, it didn't make Coordinators human beings equal to Naturals. Especially those whose genes were modified for a reason other than medical. They were different, and dangerous. So they should be treated in the way such people deserved.

Coordinators should be segregated from Naturals so that they wouldn't trespass into the lives of normal, good people like her. And they should be severely supervised so that they wouldn't harm Naturals. Innocent people should be able to live without worrying about those dangerous ones.

She believed so more strongly now that Heliopolis had been destroyed and she had become a refugee. She had to endure the inconvenient and horrible life on a warship. It was all because of those conceited, ungrateful Coordinators. Her father was right. The sponsor nations of PLANT should have had PLANT under more strict control. Then, the Coordinators couldn't have caused such a disturbance. The war would have never happened.

Her father had told her many of the leaders of the Earth Alliance had realized their mistake, realized that they had been too generous, and the situation would be better once the war was over. Coordinators would be properly punished and taught a lesson; they would know their place and never disturb Naturals again.

She couldn't wait for the day to come. The day when her life would be peaceful again, free of Coordinators. She was pretty tired of those people and the trouble they made. They were such a troublesome race.

Not only did they keep attacking the warship she was aboard, one of them even intruded into it. She didn't want to even be on the same ship as that Coordinator girl, and then, the girl dared to say they were the same and try to shake hands with her! How could the girl be brazen enough to act as if they were equals? As if they could be friends? She would never allow a Coordinator to be her friend.

Well, she could make an exception of Kira. In addition to not looking like a Coordinator, he was fighting to defend the Archangel. Without him, they probably wouldn't be able to survive, according to what she had heard. If he used the power he had acquired by wrong means to protect her and the other Naturals, his being a Coordinator wasn't such a bad thing. She could allow him to be her friend, a sort of friend, for the time being.

Despite her generosity, however, he shamelessly betrayed her. He failed to protect her father even though he had promised he would. He failed her. He had told her a lie.

And that wasn't even all. He was also friends with one of the enemies, one of the ZAFT soldiers who had destroyed the warship her father was on. He had let them kill her father. He had just sat there and watched her father brutally murdered by them. Because they were friends. Because they were all Coordinators. Because Kira was a Coordinator.

She had been wrong. She had been deluded. She had been deceived. She had been a fool. There was no such thing like a good Coordinator. At least not as long as they were alive. Yes, what Blue Cosmos claimed was right. Good Coordinators were only those who were dead. She should have never believed one of them. She had been too naive to think such a creature could be trusted, or be her friend even.

He wasn't. He had never been and would never be. He was a Coordinator. He was an enemy. He was to die—after a lot of suffering.

Her blood was boiling. Her grief. Her desperation. Her agony. Her loneliness. Her despair. Her anger. All the emotions that had been swirling inside her transformed into a fire of hatred, a blazing desire for revenge.

She would make him pay. She would make all Coordinators pay. For having deceived her. For having exploited her generosity. For having taken away from her the only family she had. For having ruined her world. For having ripped her heart apart.

She would make them—Kira—experience all this pain she was feeling now. She would make him suffer as much as she was suffering now. She would destroy him. At any cost.

And she would end the war. She would kill all Coordinators, using him. That was what her father would want. Her father would be proud of her for helping wipe out those monsters of space.

* * *

To manipulate Kira, she had to know about him. She had to find his weaknesses she could exploit. So she started to observe him closely, and soon noticed he had a crush on her.

A plan formed in her head: use his feelings and her body. It would surely be more effective than only pretending to be his friend or using his friends to control him. It would allow her to have a tighter rein on him.

She wasn't exactly eager to do it. She knew it was wrong for her and him, for a Natural and a Coordinator, to be in a relationship. But the end justified the means, right? If she could make him kill many of the evil creatures, then, it was just a trivial matter whether the means was right, wasn't it?

There were a few other problems, like Ssigh. She had to break up with him to execute this plan. It made her a little sad since she liked him to some extent. However, he wasn't nearly as important to her as her father was. She wouldn't abandon her revenge just because of a boy, even if it was the boy her father had wanted her to be with.

Her distaste for Coordinators was another problem. The idea of having intimate contact with such a lowly being was disgusting. But she could and would stomach it if it was for her father. She would do anything to avenge him.

Well, if truth be told, she didn't feel nearly as disgusted as she had expected to when she kissed Kira or when she had sex with him. She had braced herself for waves of nausea and an urge to run away screaming. However, what she felt was mostly nervousness, and some excitement.

His lips were soft and hard. His body was firm and warm—hot. Just like those of a...boy. And her heart beat fast.

Of course, it wasn't like she was thrilled to get intimate with him. No way. It was impossible. It was just a feeling of triumph. She was only pleased that he was falling for her trick. Yes, that was it.

She felt somewhat guilty that she had not felt disgusted much at the intimate exchanges with him. But it was a good thing, right? It made it easier for her to follow through on this revenge plan. She didn't have to feel bad about it, or about sleeping with him in the first place, since she was doing this for a right cause. She was doing this for her father. Even though she was technically disobeying him by getting involved with a Coordinator, he would understand. He surely would. This was a necessary evil for the greater good.

She would make Kira fight. He would fight to protect her. He would fight to kill all Coordinators. He would fight and fight and fight, and then die. That was his punishment. That was what he deserved. That was the only way he could be forgiven. That was the only way he was allowed to receive her generosity and kindness. That was the only reason she let him still live, and be intimate with her.

Her plan was working. He was desperate, and a part of her was satisfied at his intense need for the comfort she offered, for her. Another part of her was relieved he was still gentle and caring. He usually hid well his violent side which he showed toward Ssigh once and frightened her, and she was glad about it. She didn't need a reminder that the boy she was sleeping with was one of the monsters.

The issue with Ssigh seemed to disturb him, like it did her. But he still needed their relationship, as much as she did. He was agonizing because of the fighting and killing. Yet he had no choice but to keep fighting, and he needed her. He was weak and depending on her, exactly how she wanted him to be.

She was the only one who cared about him. She was the only one who understood him. She was the only one who could comfort him. It had to be so. She needed him to stay dependent on her, and had to chase away anyone who could be an obstacle, like the sneaky blonde who had somehow gotten close to him behind her back.

The blonde tomboy who had suddenly intruded in their lives put her on alert. She should keep a tight hold of him so that no one could steal him from her. Well, not that such a girl who looked almost like a boy could compete with her. Still, she shouldn't lower her guard. He seemed to be growing distant, though it was probably because of Ssigh rather than the blonde. Whatever the reason was, she should make sure he wouldn't slip away.

It wasn't difficult for her to stick with him. Unlike her friends, she didn't have a busy or important job on the warship. She only performed menial tasks and had a lot of free time.

She wasn't unwilling to spend time with him, either. Due to her breaking up with Ssigh and getting into a relationship with Kira, she and her friends had drifted apart. She usually spent time either alone or with him. She would have preferred to be with him even without her worry. It felt good to have someone around, someone who cared about her and looked after her, even though it was a filthy Coordinator. She didn't have to feel lonely when with him. She was fine as long as she had him.

She should keep him close. She needed him. It was only by using him that she could do something for her father. It was the only way she could contribute to the war against Coordinators. It was the only way she could be needed. He was the only one who needed her.

No...no, it wasn't like that. She needed him simply because she wanted revenge. That was the only reason. She had no emotional attachment to him. He was just a tool for her revenge.

It was he who emotionally needed her. He was grieving. He was scared. He was hurt. He was lonely. He was suffering. So he needed her.

He should need her. He should rely on her. He should be at her mercy. He should be under her control. It had to be that way. It should never be the other way around. She shouldn't be the one to be comforted. She couldn't be comforted by him. He was a Coordinator.

She couldn't let him leave her, either. She couldn't afford to lose him. She should make him stay. He should be by her side. He should want her. He should protect her. He should look after her. He should care about her. He had to.

But he was gone. Gone from the Archangel. Gone from her life. Gone from this universe.

The news of his death agitated her the way she couldn't understand. There was no way, just no way she was sad about his death, the death of a Coordinator, one of the creatures that had taken her father's life. She shouldn't be. It was so wrong.

This wasn't sorrow. This wasn't pain. She was...she was just disappointed and upset that she no longer had a way to have her revenge on Coordinators, to contribute to ending the war. She didn't like him. He was a Coordinator. She had never liked him. She never liked Coordinators. She hated them.

Now, she hated them even more. She hated Coordinators—him—for messing up her mind, for tearing up her heart. ...She hated him for not being here by her side, for having failed to come back as he had promised.

He had lied to her again. He had broken his promise to her again. He had betrayed her again. He had hurt her again. That was what Coordinators did. They were good for nothing. They would only cause her pain and suffering.

With him gone, she had no one. No one cared about her. Even Ssigh refused to comfort her. No one took care of her. No one needed her. There was no place she could return to. She had no home, no family. She was alone. She had lost everything. All because of the war. All because of Coordinators. It's all their fault.

She wished all Coordinators had been dead. Then, this war, the war that had robbed her of someone she loved, the war that had destroyed her world, would be over at last. The world would be finally at peace. So would her mind.

···

Her heart racing, her mind in turmoil, she tightly pressed her hands to her chest, where a disk was stashed. She had been told it was a key to ending the war. Did it mean it was also a key to the future she wished for—or had wished for? She wasn't sure whether she wanted it to be. She wasn't sure she still wanted the world free of Coordinators.

Maybe it didn't matter. At least, she was sure she wanted peace. If this "key" could end the war and bring peace, then, it was probably enough.

But then again, it was a Coordinator man who had given it to her. Could his words be true? Could she believe him? She wasn't sure about it, either. He had reminded her of her father and promised to protect her. She had grown to care somewhat about him. Yet, he had abandoned her in the midst of a battle. He had betrayed her.

She was confused, terrified, and desperate. She just hoped this "key" was real or at least someone believed it was so that she could be rescued. Otherwise, she was going to perish here. She didn't want to die. She needed help. She needed someone to save her, rescue her from a battlefield, from such a horrifying place.

Then, she heard a voice calling her name. A voice she knew. A voice she had not expected to hear again. It was his voice. It was he who piloted that mobile suit coming closer.

Kira, whom she had hated and used as a tool. Kira, whom she had depended on and clung to. Kira, whose comfort she had rejected. Kira, whom she had pitied, looked down on, and accused of being pathetic.

Kira, who had always cried yet still tried to protect others, protect her. Kira, who had always cared about her. Kira, who had always tried to take care of her. Kira, whom she had longed to see again.

Kira. He was here. He was alive. He was coming to her.

Kira. Her Kira.

An emotion flared up in her heart. An emotion, whose name she knew but couldn't bring herself to admit.

She just called out to him, not really aware of the tears flowing out of her eyes and the genuine smile spreading over her face.

* * *

As the escape shuttle was seeping through the battle, her eyes were glued to the Archangel, their destination. It was almost there. The time was almost there when she could finally return to it. The time she had been waiting for.

The warship was the closest thing to home she had now. It was there that she wanted to go back. It was there that her friends were, the people who knew her, the people she was familiar with, the people she cared about. The people she wanted to see again.

There were many things she wanted to tell them, many things she had to apologize to them about. Now she could see many things she had been too blind to see. Now she knew how ignorant she had been, how stupid she had been. She had realized the wrongdoings she had done, and she wanted to make up for them.

She couldn't think what she had done was fine anymore. She couldn't think killing all Coordinators was the right thing anymore. She didn't want all Coordinators to die anymore. She wasn't sure Coordinators were all the same, all evil creatures, anymore.

She had met some Coordinators. There was Kira who had done everything to protect her despite her taking advantage of him; there was the masked man who had taken advantage of her and broken his promise to her without turning a hair as if she was a mere tool to him. There was the silver-haired boy who had acted harshly toward her, probably hating Naturals; there was the pink-haired girl who had acted cheerfully and friendly toward her, though she didn't know whether the girl had truly meant it.

They all seemed to be different. They all seemed to be...normal in one way or another. Some Coordinators must be evil, like those ZAFT soldiers who had killed her father. Some Coordinators must be bad people, like the masked man or the silver-haired boy. But then, so was the blond Natural man who had tried to kill so many people including the crew of the Archangel, the people important to her, and seemed to care nothing about the soldiers on his side, the people working for him.

Maybe...just maybe, what she had believed wasn't totally right. Maybe Coordinators weren't that different from Naturals. Maybe the two races were more or less the same. Maybe a person's genetics wasn't as important as she had thought.

But then...it meant that her father had been wrong. That he had taught her wrong things. How could she admit such a thing? He had loved her so much; she had loved him so much. And yet, on top of giving up on avenging him, she even disgraced him like that? It felt like a great betrayal to her father. How could she do such a thing?

Her heart was torn between feelings. She stared at the Archangel as if looking for help. Perhaps she could find the answer when she reached there. If only she could get aboard the warship again. If only she could talk with the people there again. If only she could see Kira again...

Something caught her eye, and she caught her breath at the sight of a mobile suit. It was Kira's. He was out there, fighting.

Her chest squeezed at the thought. She now understood how terrifying a real battle was, how cruel she had been to push him out on the battlefield. It was no wonder he had been greatly suffering.

And he was fighting even now. Then was he still crying, too?

She hoped not. She didn't want him to cry anymore. She didn't want him to fight anymore.

Sure, he had great power due to his modified genes. But still, he was just a boy, who was too gentle to fight, who could barely stand killing people.

She didn't want him to suffer anymore. She didn't want him to die anymore. She just wanted to hold him and comfort him, like she had before, but earnestly this time. Not to win his affection so that she could use him. Not to make him depend on her so that she could feel needed and useful. But to make him feel at peace so that he didn't have to cry anymore.

Under her gaze, his mobile suit suddenly changed its course to fly toward the escape shuttle, to come to her. Her heart fluttered. She widened her eyes with a mixture of feelings.

The mobile suit reached the shuttle—and defended it from a laser beam that had been going to destroy it.

Tears welled up in her eyes. He had protected her. Even now, he was trying to keep his promise to her. It was the kind of person he was. She knew it. She had known it even before he had left the Archangel.

She had seen how sad and hurt he was because of the fighting and how he still tried to fight to protect. She had seen how much he cared about the people around him. She knew he was kind and gentle and compassionate. She knew he was strong and brave.

She knew him. Not a Coordinator, not a soldier, but Kira. She had seen who he really was, which somehow made her attached to him.

Her body felt warm all over. Her heart swelled with the emotion she had not been able to name. Her face was melting into a smile.

Her eyes fixed on the mobile suit outside the window, she opened her mouth. He was right there. He was here for her. She wanted to tell him something, everything. She felt like she had found her answer.

But as soon as she voiced his name, everything around her burst into raging flames, which swallowed her up, consuming her body.

Mysteriously, however, she didn't feel any pain or fear. All she felt was a floating feeling. She felt as if her whole being, or perhaps her soul, dissolved into space and then came together again, unnecessary parts kept out. Only her true feelings were left, pure and simple. It felt like she was purified by the fire. All the barriers in her mind were gone, as if burned by the flame along with her body. Or maybe they had been burned by the flame inside her heart. By the emotion that was warm and gleaming like a fire, making her glow from within.

 _K_ _ira_ _..._ She smiled tenderly, now able to admit what it was, able to completely throw herself into it. She could truly see him now. Just Kira. Only himself. Regardless of what he was.

 _M_ _y feelings, my true feelings will protect you...forever_ _._ Even after her body was gone without leaving so much as ashes. Even after her soul left this universe.

Her heart would stay and protect the boy who had taught her love.

* * *

 **The End**

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 **A/N** : To be honest, I never really liked Fllay. But at the same time, I can't really dislike her. I feel pity for her. Her story is rather tragic...

And she seemed to be very human. She had flaws, weaknesses, and prejudices and did wrong things, but she also learned and changed. She realized her wrongdoings and tried to be a better person. I like that about her. I may even admire her for it.

I hope I did some justice to her in this fic.

Thank you for reading. I also thank those who wrote a review of my previous fics.


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